Monday, 25 February 2008

come come read some jokes lol =D


5 minute management


Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor", she replies.

"Great", the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: if you share critical information with your colleagues and stakeholders, you should be better positioned to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129." The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129." The priest apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Know your job, if you are not well informed in your field, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first, Me first," says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next, Me next," says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff He's gone.
"OK, you're up", the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, " want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4:An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree", sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story" Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend. And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut


THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE





1 day, there were 10 monks, all waiting to go through the test to become the head monk. The master monk wanted to make sure there were no evil or perverse thought in their minds, so he got them all naked, and they were to wait in a room.

He placed the thinnest rice paper on their groin, and any movement caused by erection would break it. Whoever's rice paper did not break, would pass the test.
A young, beautiful woman walked into the room. Immediately, 2 rice papers broke. She then removed her blouse. Another 2 rice papers broke. She then removed her lingerie, and another 2 rice papers broke. She removed her skirt, and 2 rice papers broke again. There were only 2 rice papers left unbroken. She removed her bottom lingerie. 1 rice paper broke. The master monk then walked into the room, and said, "It has been hard on you, but I am convinced that you have passed the test. Now lets go take a shower."

The rice paper broke.





Billy's father: "Son, I'm going to work, you must become a business man like me one day."
One day Billy's came back home, Billy is only 12 years old and when he reached home he noticed that there were clothes lying around.. He saw his mom with another man but Billy's mom was already married..

Suddenly, Billy's dad came home and so Billy's mom got frantic and hid Billy and the man inside the closet.

Billy: It's kinda dark in here..
Man: Yea..
Billy: Do you wanna buy my baseball glove?
Man: No way..
Billy: Okay then I'll go say hi to my dad..
Man: Okay! Okay! How much?
Billy: $500
Man: WHAT?! Are you crazy? NO WAY!
Billy: Okay my dad will love to find you here..
Man: OKAY OKAY! DARN IT! $500 here you go..

So the next day the when Billy's dad fetched Billy to school again, the man came back into the house and was doing hanky panky with Billy's mom again.. When Billy came home he saw the same things again and so happens Billy's dad had a half-day and came back home.. So Billy's mom hid them in the closet again..

Billy: It's kinda dark in here..
Man: Yea.. how much this time.. -.-
Billy: $1000
Man: WHUT?! FOR WHUT?!
Billy: My baseball..
Man: NO WAY YOU ARE EATING MY MONEY YOU IMMATURE FREAK!
Billy: Okay my dad is just outside, want me to say hi?
Man: NONONONONONO! FINE here's $1000 now give me that baseball..

After that.. Billy told his dad about his business he made..
Billy: Dad, I made $1,500 by selling my baseball and my baseball glove.
Billy's dad: WHUT?! that's daylight robbery! Son! I'm so disappointed in you.. I'm taking you to church!

So they went to church on the coming Sunday and Billy went into the booth where people confess
Billy: It's kinda dark in here..
From the other side of the booth came said
"Don't start that crap with me again"


ahh lazy find more. sian =/